Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Emotions Make Me Uncomfortable

Its rare that I get emotional.  And its even rarer for me to have a physical response to something.  So when both happen at the same time, I'm pretty much at a loss for coping skills. 

Admittedly, I'm going through a lot right now.  I'm in the process of ending a long-term relationship AND dealing with legal issues with a big bank.  So a typical day for me at this point is some relationship drama, and at least 2 calls from the big bank using their best scare tactics.  The bank recently stepped up their game, so the nightmares have kicked in. 

I thought ending the long-term relationship would be the most stressful.  Turns out nasty calls from a big bank are more stressful to me than a break-up.  And today, I found out there is something that stresses me out more than both of those things combined. 

I was walking to lunch today and I saw her.  I'll call her Thirteen.  I actually didn't recognize her at first.  And by the time I realized it was her it was too late to look away.  Our eyes met as we passed and I shook to my core.  That was at noon.  I'm still shaking.

About 5 years ago, I found myself in a situation with Thirteen.  There was a lot of drama.  And I mean A LOT.  The drama went on for 2 years.  To make a long story short.  This woman used her leadership authority to lure me and some of my work colleagues into a web of deception.  HR was involved.  I didn't know who to trust or what to do.  And my Aspie-ness didn't help the situation.

Fast forward to today.  The moment I saw her all those feelings came flooding back.  All the lies.  And to make matters worse, Thirteen was walking with someone from my current work group.

I've been asking myself all afternoon - how can one person cause me to have such a negative emotional and physical reaction?  I'm literally shaking.  And second - should I do anything about it? My brain is in over-drive.  What could Thirteen possibly be doing with my work colleague?  Is she up to something devious?  How can I get as far away from her as possible?  And on and on and on.  I'm just overwhelmed with negative emotions.

How in the world am I supposed to cope with these emotions?  Literally.  What are action steps I can take to cope?  What do most people do in these situations?  Emotions make me uncomfortable - especially negative ones.  Do I just lie here and wait out the shaking and uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach?  Do I warn the others that Thirteen is talking with one of our work colleagues?  And will that be perceived at "gossip"?

Or maybe I should just sit back and let the feeling pass.  I just don't know. 

Saturday, 11 February 2012

Goa in Pictures

GOI Dabolim International Airport

 Women wearing socks with open toed shoes.  Strange.  This is a rarity in the US.

 To the hotel I go!  Asked the driver how long it would take to get to the hotel - he said 15 minutes. Actual time elapsed?  45 minutes.  From this moment forward, I multiplied all time estimates by 3.

 Saturday Night Market in Anjuna.  This was pure craziness.  There were about 1000 shops.  No lie.  Sensory Overload!

 Really bad food at the Saturday Night Market.  Tip: Go for the shopping and experience, not the food.

Step 1:  Learn how to drive a scooter (or as they say "Scooti").  Step 2:  Explore Goa.

 Mmmm.  Fresh sugar cane juice made right before my eyes!

 Enjoying life (and a coconut milk) on Aswem Beach

 Local man selling sarongs.  I was amazed that he alone could hold so many sarongs. 

 My spot on Aswem Beach.  A little relaxation before lunch.

 Tiger Prawns at La Plage.  Wishing they would have removed their heads before serving.

 How far to Tiracol Fort?  16 km.  Actual distance? 52 km.  My multiply by 3 equation was pretty accurate!  This is the view from Tiracol Fort restaurant where I enjoyed a lovely cheese sandwich.  I think the 52 km was worth it.

 Boat near Tiracol Fort, North Goa

 Doors to the closet in my hotel room.  At first, I thought they were a nice touch.  By the end of the stay, I was completely annoyed with them.

Lodging in Anjuna, North Goa which I highly recommend.  Talk to Thomas.  He'll hook you up!

 Dosa or Dosai?  Doesn't matter.  Always good.

 This dude took me parasailing on Baga Beach for $10.  I was a bit concerned about safety.  How could this cost only $10?!?  But once he gave me a life jacket, it was all good.

 Baga Beach
A much different experience than Aswem Beach, that's for sure!

 Lunch at Brittos.  Mmmmm.  Crab.

 I was fascinated by these flowers.  The owner of the resort caught me staring at them more than once.  Embarassing!  The colors are random on each bunch.  Just think of the genetics!

 Curlie's Dance Club.  On my first attempt to find this place, I ended up back at the place I started.  Asked for directions... Oh! LEFT at the Baskin Robbins!  Tried again and made my way down a dark desolate sandy road.  It was worth it!  The view was fantastic and then there was the trance music.  The Trance Music!!

 Why does my breakfast toast look like a T-shirt?

 The "American" Breakfast.  Ummm.  Nothing on this plate looks American.

 Cab driver kept telling me I had to buy the River Cruise Tickets at the Kaju Palace.  Huh?  This seemed weird to me. I would expect to buy Cashews at the Kaju Palace - not River Cruise tickets.

 An offering for the gods

 Elephant Rides at the Spice Plantation.  While I was taking this picture, a certain boy started whistling at me.  I ignored him, naturally.  Seriously.  I'm not an animal!

 Bridge to the Spice Plantation. I heart bridges.

 Baby Pineapple!
Its protected by the wiring, so the monkeys don't destroy it.  One thing I learned on the trip.  Male pineapples taste a bit sour compared to female pineapples.  No surprise there!

 Female Uterine Tonic.  Really?

 Smiling Dog.  Took a wrong turn down a dirt road and this dog started coming toward me.  Thankfully, he was smiling and wagging his tail.

 Goan Tourist Clothing.  Male tourists in Goa would buy these matching shirt / shorts outfits and wear them around...TOGETHER.  It was quite the look.  This is where you can buy them.

 Goan Water Balls

View from my room.  I highly recommend this resort as well.  You can walk to the beach from your cottage.  And the views during dinner are fantastic.

 My cottage at Ozran Heights Beach Resort.  I spent many nights sitting on those chairs watching the Goan sunset.

 Country cows with their bird friends.  For some reason, the cows in Goa always seem to have a bird friend with them.  At first I thought it was just one, but I saw the cow + bird pairs again and again as I explored Goa.

 Kinda hard to find this place.  But worth it.  A seat on the upper level is quite nice.

 My seafood platter at Infantaria.  Kingfish slice, shrimp, squid and calamari.  Yuuuummmmm!

 Big Vagator Beach.  I found this beach while exploring Goa one morning.  In Goa, it seems there's a beautiful surprise around every corner.

 Caprese Salad.  Need I say more? 

 The symmetry of this plant was quite captivating.  I had to take a picture.

My last Goan Sunset.  *Sigh*