Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Emotions Make Me Uncomfortable

Its rare that I get emotional.  And its even rarer for me to have a physical response to something.  So when both happen at the same time, I'm pretty much at a loss for coping skills. 

Admittedly, I'm going through a lot right now.  I'm in the process of ending a long-term relationship AND dealing with legal issues with a big bank.  So a typical day for me at this point is some relationship drama, and at least 2 calls from the big bank using their best scare tactics.  The bank recently stepped up their game, so the nightmares have kicked in. 

I thought ending the long-term relationship would be the most stressful.  Turns out nasty calls from a big bank are more stressful to me than a break-up.  And today, I found out there is something that stresses me out more than both of those things combined. 

I was walking to lunch today and I saw her.  I'll call her Thirteen.  I actually didn't recognize her at first.  And by the time I realized it was her it was too late to look away.  Our eyes met as we passed and I shook to my core.  That was at noon.  I'm still shaking.

About 5 years ago, I found myself in a situation with Thirteen.  There was a lot of drama.  And I mean A LOT.  The drama went on for 2 years.  To make a long story short.  This woman used her leadership authority to lure me and some of my work colleagues into a web of deception.  HR was involved.  I didn't know who to trust or what to do.  And my Aspie-ness didn't help the situation.

Fast forward to today.  The moment I saw her all those feelings came flooding back.  All the lies.  And to make matters worse, Thirteen was walking with someone from my current work group.

I've been asking myself all afternoon - how can one person cause me to have such a negative emotional and physical reaction?  I'm literally shaking.  And second - should I do anything about it? My brain is in over-drive.  What could Thirteen possibly be doing with my work colleague?  Is she up to something devious?  How can I get as far away from her as possible?  And on and on and on.  I'm just overwhelmed with negative emotions.

How in the world am I supposed to cope with these emotions?  Literally.  What are action steps I can take to cope?  What do most people do in these situations?  Emotions make me uncomfortable - especially negative ones.  Do I just lie here and wait out the shaking and uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach?  Do I warn the others that Thirteen is talking with one of our work colleagues?  And will that be perceived at "gossip"?

Or maybe I should just sit back and let the feeling pass.  I just don't know. 

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